


Even tough cookies crack

by theraincanttouchus



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: AU: Talia's on a mental institute and Dami didn't die, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Jason and Damian bonding, Non-Morrison!Talia, Panic Attacks, though I guess that's different than a happy ending, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-16 13:45:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3490532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theraincanttouchus/pseuds/theraincanttouchus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While in London, Damian goes to the house he and Talia used to live in which ends up causing him a panic attack. Now he must deal with his family's reaction, along with his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Untitled

**Author's Note:**

> Damian not dying and Talia not being the crazy bitch Morrison wanted to make us believe she was is my happy place, which is weird considering that this is very angsty, oh well.  
> Also the title is for the song of the same name by Simple Plan.

London wasn’t exactly Damian’s favorite place in the world, too many memories. His father, Dick, Drake and him were helping Knight and Squire with some rogue while they were in England for a charity ball and he'd had no option but to come along.

The place gave Damian some sort of nostalgic feeling that he loathed. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t even logic, after what happened between his mother and him he wasn’t supposed to feel like this, she was almost out of the mental institution, and they'd talked twice,  _so why was he feeling so hollow inside?_

His father wasn’t there most of the time, either investigating the case or keeping up appearances outside in parties and other shallow activities. Drake was engulfed in his own things, not that it made any difference, and Grayson was busy with his circus. Damian couldn’t go out with Brown -not that he'd actually want to- since she had finals this week, and was really stressed out and that left him alone with way too much free time to think. Which is how he ended up here.

Damian told himself that it was everyone else’s fault, but he knew that wasn’t true, he knew he would’ve sneaked out to come here had they not left him alone.

“It’s just for closure, nothing else” Damian muttered to himself, taking a deep breath before looking for the key in his pocket. He was in front of a large house outside London. It was stone-made with a big front door. Damian opened it slowly trying to prevent his hand from trembling in the handle. He didn’t succeed.

Damian entered, trying to turn on the light, not really expecting it to still work, startling when it did. The place was just like they’d left it; there was a thin layer of dust covering everything, but it was tidy otherwise.

Damian walked aimlessly around the living room stopping in front of the tv set. There was an old VHS there along with a collection of videos, he smiled sadly, shaking his head slightly. It took him a few minutes to collect himself before he could pick one of the tapes and put it in the VHS with shaking hands. Damian turned on the TV wishing with all his forces that it didn’t work. It did, so he pressed play.

The image of his mother, at least twelve years younger and dancing ballet in front of a multitude appeared on the screen. His grandfather was on a balcony and Talia looked happy, light and completely goddess-like. It was one of Damian's favorite videos when he was a child -a _smaller_ child. His mother was gracious and beautiful, and Damian enjoyed watching her being happy, especially when they watched the videos together and she'd tell him stories about them, like how this video was one of the few presentations in which Ra’s had stayed during the entire play, or how the backstage had been a complete madness. She would usually wrap him in a side hug, one of the very rare physical demonstrations of love she gave, and Damian would be allowed to snuggle into it.

The kid curled in the dusty sofa, all those memories flooding through his mind, and after a beautifully executed calypso he just couldn’t take it anymore.

It wasn’t _fair_ , why did Damian have to pay for _his parent’s war_? Why couldn’t his mother just be there, fine and sane? Why did he have to live like this? He wanted his mother back. He wanted his father and all of the so called Batfamily to understand that his mother wasn’t half as bad as they liked to portray her. She wasn’t cold and heartless, she was caring and nice in her own way. She loved him, _right?_ All the mothers love their sons. Although not all mothers try to kill them... But she was sick, and as soon as she got better she’d love him again, right? Everything would be fine… _right?_

Damian couldn’t breathe and the dust wasn’t helping, he was shaking and he could, very absentmindedly, feel his face grow hotter which made more obvious the feeling of cold tears rolling down his cheeks. He felt suffocated, like the big room had shrunk to something smaller than Titus’ house, all noises being registered by his ears as if he were under the water.

Damian tried different methods of relaxation, especially breathing deeply, but the dust made it hard and the house made it worse. So he curled in himself wishing for everything to be over.

It took Damian thirty minutes to be able to breathe normally again, forty something for his heart to slow down to its normal rate, and an hour for him to stop crying. He felt trapped, in danger and all he wanted to do was to run away as far as he could, but he felt exhausted, too. He couldn’t even move no matter how much he tried, not that he was trying that much.

So he stayed in the couch, even if it made it all worse.

It took his father another thirty minutes to find him. He opened the door and Damian involuntarily flinched at the sound. His father looked scared, as if Damian had been at the verge of dying or going crazy. Damian didn’t care though, it didn’t seem to matter, so he just curled in himself tighter, starting to uncontrollably sob again.

This wasn’t _their home_  anymore. It was just a dusty building now.

Damian didn’t remember that much of the rest of the day, only a vague image of his father carrying him out of the house and into the car. He hadn’t realized that, at some point, he’d taken the tape and was clutching to it, until his father tried to pry it from him. He wasn’t sure of what happened next, but the tape stayed in his hands the entire ride, and Bruce had some bruises of his face the next day.

Someone, most likely his father, put him in his bed, tucking him in. But he didn’t sleep that night, he just kept crying, not caring that anyone would hear him.

Damian fell into unconsciousness around dawn, when the sun started to fight the darkness of the room and didn’t wake up until noon, tape still pressed against his chest.


	2. I'm just a kid

Damian woke up at the feeling of something wet nuzzling against his face. He opened his eyes to find a pair of black eyes staring back at him. Damian wrinkled his nose at the smell of the dog’s breath, before realizing that his own wasn’t exactly better.

Sitting on his bed, the kid wondered how he ended up on his own room before the memories of the past day flooded through his mind. Damian groaned; it couldn’t be happening. He covered his face with his hands, groaning harder at the dry, cold feeling on his cheeks. He’d cried himself to sleep… how _pathetic_.

Damian stood up, going to his bathroom, patting Titus on the way, and taking a shower getting rid of the sticking feeling of his skin. He brushed his teeth mentally preparing himself to go down. Part of him had caught a glimpse of Dick Grayson and Tim Drake waiting in the living room when his father had carried him inside the house, they both were wearing matching worrying expressions and that made it all worse.

He went downstairs, quiet as the ninja he was trained like. The kid was stopped halfway by the sound of muffled voices.

They were all there. Worse. They were all there talking about him.

Damian closed his eyes, forcing the knot on his throat away.

“Bruce” he heard Dick’s voice, calming him even if it was odd to hear such an exasperated tone from the former boy wonder “he was shaking and pale as a ghost. He needs help” Damian rolled his eyes. He didn’t need _help_ ; he would be perfectly fine the moment they got out of England.

“And who do you suggest I take him to, Dick?” he was brought out of his thoughts by his father’s voice “He can’t go to just any psychiatrist because you know what his problem is, and that’s not something he can talk about with a normal doctor” Bruce, just like Dick, sounded worn up.

“I don’t know, we could take him to Dinah, she’s usually good at this kind of stuff” Dick suggested, and it must’ve been all the time they spent together before, because Damian could almost see him running a hand through his hair.

“Dick” Damian threw his head back, holding back a groan as he was suddenly reminded of the fact that Drake was there, too “you know she doesn’t have the best history with the Al Ghuls”

“So what? We just leave him like this and pretend that it didn’t happen?” and that was the last straw.

“Leave me like what?” Damian asked, wincing at how rough his voice was. He angrily stomped into the room. Just because he’d had a moment of weakness it didn’t mean he was damaged… _right?_

“Dami” Dick stood quickly, walking towards him and drawing him into a bone-crushing hug “How are you feeling?” he asked, stepping back to look at him in the eye, his hands gripping Damian’s biceps.

Damian scowled, holding Dick’s gaze “I’m fine Grayson, and I’d be better if you told me what did you mean by ‘leaving me like this’?”

Dick had, at least, the decency to look ashamed “Look Dami, I’m not saying that there’s something wrong with you” ‘well it sure had sounded like he did’, Damian thought “but you’ve been through way, too much during this year, and we’ve all just overseen it because you seemed to be dealing fine with it, and I’m so, so sorry about that; I shouldn’t have left you alone with all of what was happening” Dick tried to hug him again but the kid moved out of his reach.

“I’m dealing just fine with everything” Damian spat, glaring at the young man “but you’re right in something, you shouldn’t have left” he added.

“Damian, that’s not fair and you know it” his father said. It only made the kid’s blood boil harder.

“ _Fair_. You want to talk about fairness, father? Fine, let’s talk about how _fair_ is it to drag your son to your war, which, to make things worse, was against his mother. Let’s talk about how _fair_ it is to behave around said son as if he were a burden, let’s talk about how _fair_ is it for you to always be on their side” Damian said pointing at Dick and Tim “How fair is any of that father?” he spat the last word as if it were an insult, and for a moment, he felt like it was.

“Damian…”

“Perhaps it would be wise for Master Damian to eat something before continuing with this discussion” Alfred supplied, entering the room. Everyone turned to watch the butler. Damian’s stomach growled as if on cue, reminding him he hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday’s afternoon.

Damian nodded, leaving the room without looking back. No one tried to approach him for the rest of the day, nor when they left early the next morning, and it didn’t change during the fly back. Dick tried to talk to him when they arrived to the manor, but Damian shut him up and locked himself in his room for the rest of the day.

Out of all of them, Alfred seemed to be a little more understanding, respecting Damian’s wishes to be alone, to arrange his thoughts. The butler brought the kid a tray with his dinner and barely tried to talk to him.

“They’re trying their best, it is a pity that that doesn’t seem to be enough for the current situation, but they’re trying” was all Alfred said after picking up the empty trail.

“I know” Damian muttered.

-

“What?” Damian snapped. He was changing into his uniform in the batcave for patrol, just like he’d done every night for the past two years. However, everyone kept looking at him like his dog had died and no one wanted to take one for the team and tell him.

The three men shared a look “Listen Dami” Dick started, voice soft and careful as if Damian were a wild animal that would attack them under the slightest provocation “We believe that it would be in your best interest if”

“Spit it out, Grayson” Damian said, his already thin patience running out.

“If you try to get some rest, you know, lay down for a while?” Dick half asked, a sympathetic smile on his lips.

“Are you saying that I’m not fit for going on patrol?” Damian clutched his hands into fists tight enough to let half moon-like marks on his palms.

“Damian we don’t know when or where you could have another episode” his father carefully told him and Damian was more than ready to kill everyone in the room.

“It wasn’t an episode,” he didn’t know what it was, it just was something that happened “we’re as far from England as we could be and… and this is so stupid, I can fight and I’ll prove it, so don’t treat me like I’m crazy” It was probably his most hated word in the entire English language. They sometimes called his mother that when they thought Damian wasn’t listening.

Bruce sighed, running his hand through his face “Fine, you can come. Just stay by my side and do everything I say” he put on the cowl, sending a look to the others to do the same.

“Whatever” Damian said, putting on his own domino mask.

It had been an easy night; they were just swinging around, stopping minor crimes, like a robbery and a couple drunken fights, nothing serious.

But then some mob families started a fight near the docks. Batman had called Nightwing and Red Robin, who were on the other side of the city, for reinforcement. He told Robin to go to inspect the cargo to see what they were fighting for; however the kid had taken it as a sign of Batman not trusting in his ability to fight and had launched himself into the battle field.

Damian heard someone calling him after he’d taken down five of the goons. Before he had time to react, there was a harsh sound cutting through the air and his father appeared in front of him, it didn’t take him long to realize that it’d been a bullet. Batman fell to his knees with a groan, their other two allies appearing before anyone could attack them again.

The drive back to the manor was filled with tense, uncomfortable silence and the occasional grunt of pain from his father. The kevlar stopped the bullet, but it would leave a large bruise on his side.

“That was unnecessary” Damian said, peeling off his mask “I also have Kevlar”

“Not in your head Damian” Tim growled. The teen was helping Alfred in wrapping Bruce’s wounds.

That was when Damian realized that, given his father’s size, the bullet that hit Bruce on the ribs would’ve impacted against his head, killing him.

“Damian you need to stop defying my orders” his father was never good at hiding his rage. This time was no exception.

“Well, none of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t deemed me as too weak to fight against some morons with guns” Damian snapped back.

“We needed to know what they were receiving” Bruce said sternly.

“I asked Babs to check that out, by the way” Dick said, taking off his uniform

His father sighed for what seemed the millionth time that week “Good, tell her to send me the report” his voice changed when he turned to Damian “You’re not allowed to go on patrol for the next week and you’re grounded”

“It wasn’t my fault!” Damian tried to defend himself.

“Yes, it was!” the cave was filled by his father’s voice “You’re in no conditions to fight, that’s why you’ll be dismissed from patrol, and you keep challenging my orders, that’s why you’re grounded.” Bruce explained with badly feigned calm.

It reminded Damian of the way the doctors would address his mother the few times he’d seen her on the hospital. Even if Talia couldn’t see him during the first months, he still went to make sure his mother was okay.

It made Damian feel sick “Just because my mother’s mentally ill doesn’t mean you have to treat me like I am, too” he said, climbing the stairs after changing his uniform. He heard Dick calling for him. Someone else stopped him from actually follow Damian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, angst everywhere!!  
> I am really satisfied with this chapter, mostly because I can count with a hand how many people have seen me having a panic attack and during the first days after that they tiptoed around me and it annoyed me to no end. Like 'yeah I had a panic attack but I'm not a fucking butterfly stop acting like that or I'll break your neck'.  
> And I've also done stupid things to stop that, like biting way much more than I can chew (it's a saying in my country that means that you try to do more thing you can handle) and ended fucking things up. And also you can be really illogical when you think people are treating you different because of it...  
> Anyway, tell me what you think.  
> Thank you for reading, Love you.


	3. Me Against the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate/love this chapter so much. It didn't come out right the first time and it was so difficult to try to fix it, but I love it because thanks to it I met the most lovely person ever who beta'd it for me. So yay. I don't think she has an account here but she's cocopops1995 on ff.net and she's awesome.

“So you’re not Robin anymore?” Colin awkwardly asked, watching his friend work on their bikes.

“No; at least not for the rest of the week.” Damian said, giving his complete attention to cleaning the engine in front of him.

“What happened?” Colin’s tone was careful, fully aware of the fact that Damian didn’t like to talk about his life, at least not when it involved his father or Tim Drake or his mother… perhaps it would be better to say that the kid didn’t like to talk about his family at all, unless it involved Dick Grayson, then he was a little less reluctant.

Damian sighed, setting down the tools. The last few days had been really stressful and he knew he had to get it out somehow before he killed someone, “I had a disagreement with my father while on patrol, thus when he gave me an order I didn’t follow it and he ended up getting hurt.”

Colin frowned. Damian’s tone wasn’t the angry one he was used to, instead his friend sounded frustrated and upset.

“I thought that you were getting along.”

“We were but…” Damian dropped everything and got up, “You know what? We should go on patrol.”

“I thought you were banned? And they’ll be all over the city looking for you if you don’t go home for the night.” Colin added after seeing the expression on Damian’s face.

“So? What else do you think my father will do?” Damian said, cleaning his hands on a rag.

“Ground you?” Colin suggested, making the other teen snort.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m already grounded, and shouldn’t be here in the first place.” Damian said with a smirk.

Collin flushed. He’d been so excited to see Damian again that he hadn’t thought about the fact that if patrol had gone wrong enough for Damian to be banned from being Robin then, most likely, he’d also be grounded, “What if we run into them while on patrol? Your father doesn’t know that I’m Abuse and if he finds us together he’ll want to interrogate me.”

“Then it’s good that I have their patrol route memorized.” Damian said, side hugging him. It made an alarm in Colin’s head go off; Damian had never been the one to initiate any physical contact, but the redhead decided to stay silent about it.

“…We’ll keep it light, right?” was his last attempt to talk Damian out of it.

“Of course, nothing we can’t handle.” Damian said with the smile he used to charm his way through the fancy parties we was forced to go to.

I gave Colin a bad feeling and he was proven right barely ten hours later.

“Robin!” Abuse called him over the radio, “I’m pretty sure this falls in the ‘something we can’t handle’ category!”

“Relax; it’s just the Penguin's men.” Robin chastised him from the other side of the warehouserooftop.

They were on the docks investigating the Penguin’s new shipment. The men opened a giant wood box and both kids gasped when they saw that this time the boxes were filled with young boys and girls rather than weapons or drugs. The shipment had been disguised as one for new tables and chairs. With the illegal shipments the mob was doing occupying Batman’s attention, it became obvious to Damian why the Penguin would carry this operation out right now.

“Robin, this definitely falls in the ‘we can’t freaking handle this by ourselves’ category!” Abuse exclaimed; his voice filled with rage.

Robin let out a shaky breath. He could understand the feeling. Kids were their weak spot and if he didn’t call Batman soon, it was more than likely that Abuse would kill someone. Or that Robin himself would do it.

However, the black haired kid could see the men dragging the drugged pre-teens out of the box and a big truck arriving at the establishment, “There’s no time!” Robin said, moving to a window, “We’ll have to deal with it by ourselves.”

Abuse, reluctantly, agreed. They both made their way to the floor, starting to beat up the goons without giving them time to realise what was going on. The surprise factor was all the advantage they had and they’d need to exploit it.

“At least call them as backup.” Abuse grunted when his back met Robin’s. They were both surrounded by the Penguin’s men. The drugged kids were lying on the floor, probably too out of it from whatever they’d been given, to move.

“We can do it without them.” Robin said, stabbing a goon the arm with his own knife. Damian watched the blood travel down his gloved arm, remembering his time with his mother. He promptly shook his head. This was not the moment.

“Robin, even if we manage to beat up these idiots, those kids need medical attention.” Abuse said, as he bumped two of the men’s heads together. The violence they needed to get out of the situation was rising at a worrying rate. If it continued there’d most likely be deaths they realized.

But Damian _needed_ to do this by himself, without the bat and his birds intervening. He needed to show them that he could take care of the city just as well as they could. He needed to prove  _himself_ that he could still fight.

“Damn it Robin, the driver’s probably already informed Penguin about us! We need to get them out of here as fast as we can!” Abuse yelled.

Most of the goons were already on the floor, but there were a few trying to escape through the doors they’d previously locked.

It was then that they heard a gun going off. Three men fell to the floor with wounds in their chests and/or heads.

Robin and Abuse turned their heads up, watching as Red Hood came down to the warehouse’s floor.

“You’re killing them!” Abuse reprimanded Red Hood the moment he was in earshot.

“No shit, Sherlock.” Jason answered sarcastically.

“Stop! Heroes don’t kill!”

 Damian rolled his eyes. Colin was always so adamant about the ‘heroes are good and pacific’ act, or whatever crap his childish mind came with. He was too innocent for an orphan who lived in Gotham, or maybe he was just too good for his own sake.

“Are you kidding me?” Jason asked, shaking his head at the stern expression on the big redhead’s face “Dude, I ain’t no hero”

Damian snorted. Despite his declaration, Red Hood had started to aim at their legs and arms, avoiding lethal injuries.

“And yet you seem to have developed a foot kink, Hood.” Robin mocked, unable to help himself.

“Shut up, brat!”

It was when all the men were on the floor that they started to check on the kids.

“They’re drugged out of their minds but should be fine.” Jason said “They’ll have a killer headache tomorrow though.”

It was obvious by his tone that he still wanted to beat the goons a little more for what they did. He put his hands in his pockets, looking at the duo in front of him, “I already informed the police so they should be here soon.”

“Thank you,” Abuse said, “For helping us and for not killing them.”

“They deserved worse.” Jason said, he frowned behind the helmet, “You’re way too soft for someone so big.”

“We should get out of here,” Damian interrupted them when the sound of police sirens reached his ears, thinking of a way to avoid telling Jason Abuse’s identity.

“We need to talk.” Abuse told Robin when they were on the roof with a stern expression on his face; Damian absentmindedly thought that it make him look more like an adult than a kid.

Robin ran a hand through his hair, “Look, I know what you’re going to say and I’d prefer if we just skipped it.”

“Those kids could’ve died because you refused to call Batman!”

 Damian grimaced, both because he knew his friend was right and because Abuse’s voice was way deeper and louder than Colin’s.

“Who, by the way, is looking for you like a madman.” Red Hood interrupted them, “I hate to spoil the lovers quarrel and whatnot but I need some answers.”

Abuse and Robin shared a look, “We’ll talk later.” Abuse said before shooting his line and disappearing before Jason could say anything else.

“I guess that means I’m not getting the redhead’s name, right?” Red hood walked closer to the edge of the building, where Abuse had previously been, right next to Damian, “Didn’t know you shared Goldie’s kink.” he elbowed the kid on his shoulder, due to the height difference.

Robin rolled his eyes behind the lenses of his mask, “Whatever, Todd.” he shifted his weight, adding distance between himself and Red hood without having to step away, “You said my father’s looking for me?”

“Yeah, B’s going crazy, asking Oracle to look out for any trace of you and asking every vigilante if they’ve seen you.” Jason climbed down to where his bike was, the kid tailing behind him, “He must be truly desperate if he asked me.”

“And what, you’re going to tell on me or something?” Damian asked, leaning on his bike.

“Nah, I’m gonna let your daddy boil in his own juices, give you the chance to go back by yourself, and then I’ll tell him.”

“…Thanks.” Robin muttered, frowning at the handlebar of his bike.

Jason stared at him, gaping behind his helmet. He’d never heard the kid say that word before, which meant that the situation was worse than he’d thought, “So, what happened?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant, he failed.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t give me that crap. B’s looking for you all over the city, you almost got your friend, those kids and yourself killed because you refused to call him? Something happened.” Something really bad, Jason thought.

He could relate to the kid being angry at Bruce but he never thought Damian would actually put kids at risk just because he didn’t feel like calling him.

“Why do you care?” Damian snapped, turning his head to look at Red Hood. He’d expected Jason to just let him go without any questions asked.

“I don’t.” Jason said, raising his hands, “I just want to know. You know, in case I need some blackmail for later and stuff.”  He added, shrugging it off.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

Jason rolled his eyes, “That’s not what people usually say. So are you going to tell me or…?”

Damian sighed. He didn’t want to go back to the manor, nor did he want to stay here where he almost got his best friend and twelve other kids killed because of his own problems.

 “Not here. If what you said is true then he already knows that we’re here.”

“Fine, you pick the place.” Jason said, climbing on to his motorcycle, “Just don’t try to escape on me.”

“That’s an interesting idea.” Damian smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So okay I know what you're thinking... it seems a little OOC for Damian to do what he did but he's at this point where he's going to be anyone and do anything he needs to feel like he's in control. I've been there and I hate that but it happens so...  
> Anyway I hope you liked it and tell me if you have any suggestions, english isn't my language but thanks to my amazing beta I doubd I had that many mistakes but if you spot one please tell me.


	4. This song saved my life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the end. I love that song and it just seemed fitting...

 “What part of ‘don’t try to escape on me’ didn’t you get?” Jason asked, climbing off his motorcycle.

Damian had accelerated on the way to the bridge that they now stood on. The lights of Gotham were far away enough for them to see the stars. They shot their grapnels, climbing to its highest point.

“I wasn’t trying to lose you,” Damian sat on the concrete, “It was a race, or it would’ve been if you weren’t such a mediocre driver.” he said with a smirk.

Jason sat next to him, “Brat” he muttered.

This wasn’t Jason forte; to talk about feelings and cuddle was Dick’s thing, but the kid looked upset and he decided to give it a shot, “So... you were going to tell me why you did ran off?”

“No, I wasn’t”

“Yes, you were. Which means that B must’ve fucked up big time and you have no one to talk to.” Truth being told, Jason was still confused as to why would Damian agree to talk to him and why wasn’t he talking to Dick, “I can relate to that.”

Damian fiddled with the tiny rocks beneath him, “Was he that intransigent back when you were Robin too?”

Jason snorted, “Kid, you have no idea.” Jason took off the helmet. No one would be able to see them from this height.

Damian did the same. He bit his lip, considering his options. He could just tell Jason about what happened during patrol the other night and leave it at that, or he could really talk with him and take what probably was his only chance to talk to someone who didn’t label his mother as some crazy assassin. Surprising, the choice wasn’t that difficult to make, “You met Mother, before… before.”

“Before the war.” Jason supplied, not quite sure where this was going or what it had to do with what happened between the brat and Bruce, but deciding to humor him nonetheless.

Damian nodded

“Yeah, she threw me into the Lazarus Pit and gave me my conscience back.”

 The air was blowing from Damian’s side so Jason decided to light a cigarette. He was going to need it if they were actually going to talk about his return to life.

“She also trained you.”

Jason nodded, “She sent me to the best criminals in the world so I could learn from them. I still don’t know whether she did it so I would become a criminal as revenge against her beloved or if she did it so I would know how they worked and how to stop them as a present for him.” he shrugged, “It could’ve been both for all I know.”

“How was she?” Damian asked eyes trained on the traffic below them. The lights coming and leaving so fast they looked like red and yellow lines.

Jason frowned, mulling it over, still unsure as to what the purpose of this conversation was, “Not bad. I mean, she was an assassin and everything but she took care of me.” he took another drag of his cigarette before continuing, “Talia’s never really fitted completely into either the good or the bad category. She’s complicated, but she never hurt me.”

Damian nodded. He tried to swallow the knot in his throat a couple of times before giving up. Jason was right, his mother had never fit into just one category, but she was capable of love. And she loved so thoroughly, so fully.

“When Talia told me that there was another Robin I was…” Jason shook his head, “There are no words for what I felt but somehow her being there made it better.”

His eyes trailed to the kid beside him. Damian was curled into himself, his arms on top of his knees, his head resting on them, looking younger than Jason had ever seen him look, so he kept going, “She gave me shelter, food, time and means to go after Bruce, she didn’t ask for anything in return other than for me to be okay. Your mother isn’t completely evil and I’m sure she regrets what happened between you two.” Jason hadn’t meant to sound so touchy-feely but he could truly relate to what Damian was going through.

Damian nodded again, not really believing himself capable of anything else. He was right in his belief that talking with Jason about his mother would be different from talking about her with anyone else within the bat-family. None of them understood the duality on his mother’s persona, they didn’t know how she used to tuck Damian in at night and watch old videos in the living room with him; they only saw the assassin. Jason knew better.

“She,” Damian cleared his throat when it came out broken and shook his head, trying to steady himself, silently grateful that Jason was letting him take his time, “She tried to kill me. How can I forget that?”

“You can’t. I know I’ll never be able to forget the fact my own mother handed me over to the Joker.” Jason replied, deciding to open up with Damian, if only because he'd done it first, “But I don’t hate her anymore. Don’t ask me why, I mean she practically killed me but,” he shrugged, “I just don’t hate her”

“I don’t know if I can to do that,” it came out weaker than Damian had intended but if Jason noticed he didn’t comment on it.

“I’m sure you can; my mother didn’t even try to apologize, well she was dead but you get what I’m saying, on the other hand I’m sure Talia will do anything to try to win your forgiveness.”

“My father won’t let her.” Damian sighed.

“Bruce can be a hardheaded asshole but he’ll come around… at some point.” Jason didn’t know why he was so sure, but he was.

Damian nodded, not knowing what else to say. That was another thing that was different about talking with Jason: even though they were all orphans, all of the former Robins, and his father himself, have had women that fit in the ‘good’ category as mothers. They all had only good memories of their mothers and no one questioned them when they said that their mothers had loved them, but it was different with Jason and Damian. Everyone thought poorly of their mothers, pitying them in a silent but still noticeable way.

Both of them stayed in silence for a little while, Jason making shapes and forms with the smoke of his cigarette.

“You told him where I was, didn’t you?” Damian asked suddenly.

“Told who?” Jason asked monotonously.

“My father.”

“What makes you think that?”

Damian shrugged “They haven’t contacted you again through the com, nor have they looked here, even though I’m sure Oracle saw our race”

“Maybe I did.”

“You don’t hate my father anymore.” Damian stated.

“I guess I don’t.” Jason smirked, his cigarette hanging loosely from his fingers.

“I don’t hate him either, but I don’t think he wants me here.”

Jason stared at the kid, throwing his cigarette aside. It was the first time they’d talked this much. Jason’s eyes went to the city in front of them, deciding that it was logical that they ended up like this considering how much alike they were.

“He does. He sounded completely wrecked, even if he was trying to cover it I know him enough to know when something’s bothering him. Bruce can be an emotionally constipated asshole, but he cares about you.” Jason’s eyes stayed trained on the city; there was no need to make this even more sentimental than it already was by looking into each other’s eyes.

“Are you going to go to the manor with me?” Damian asked, his vision coming back to focus.

“I wouldn’t miss the chance of rubbing this in Bruce’s face for anything in the world.” Jason smirked, putting on his helmet.

\-----

“Damian!” Dick rushed toward him when he and Jason entered the batcave, “Do you have any idea how worried we were?” He asked, holding Damian by his arms.

It brought back memories of the last week that Damian would rather forget, so he shrugged Dick off, “There was no reason to be, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Grayson.”

“No one’s saying you aren’t, Damian.” Dick ran a hand through his hair before lightly pulling Damian’s face up by his chin to make him look into his eyes, “But I love you and I’m gonna be worrying even when you become Batman and reach your dad’s age.” He added with a fond smile.

It had been an exhausting night. Damian had spent the whole day angry at everyone, upset with himself and the situation. Then he’d almost gotten himself, Colin and half a dozen kids killed just because of his need to prove to himself that he was good enough. It was nice to feel that someone was there for him now.

So he gave Dick a quick hug, muttering a small ‘thank you’ on his ear. Dick grinned at him and ruffled his hair.

“Thank you for bringing him home, Jason.” Bruce said, trying not to let how jealous he was of Dick and Damian’s relationship show.

“You’re lucky I found the brat. You really need to watch out for your little birds better, Bruce. We don’t want another dead one.” Jason said, throwing him a mocking smile.

“I will,” Bruce said solemnly. Jason had been expecting a comeback or an exasperated sigh, not that. It threw him off balance.

“Good… Good.” Jason looked around the cave, uncomfortable with the scene in front of him. Dick and Damian were having a whispered conversation while Bruce’s eyes were trained on him, even though Jason could tell the man was peering at their exchange out of the corner of his eye.

“Well, I already did my good deed of the day so I’m leaving.” Jason started walking to his bike.

“Jason,” Bruce called him, making him stop, “You’re always welcome here, in case you weren’t already aware of that.”

Jason snorted, putting on his helmet, “I’m not the one you should be telling that to, B.”

But it was nice to hear it, even if he didn’t admit that part out loud, “See you later, brat.” Jason mounted his bike, starting the engine with a strong kick.

“Damian,” Bruce broke the silence after giving Dick and Damian some time to talk, “We need to talk.”

The kid sighed, he was too tired but on the other hand he wanted everything to be over before the next day, “Yes, father.”

“You want me to give you a minute or…” Dick asked, straightening up.

“No, I would rather have this conversation in the manor than in the cave.” Bruce said “That is if you’re fine with it, Damian.”

It surprised Damian that Bruce had asked for his opinion. It made him unsure as to how to react, so he nodded, “I’m going to change.”

They went to Damian’s room, Bruce sitting on the bed while Damian stayed up in front of his father. Making them be at eye level with.

“I suppose the amount of time that I’ll be grounded has increased after tonight.” Damian started.

Bruce sighed, “That’s not what I wanted to talk about.” he said looking into his son’s eyes, “Damian, I’ve been thinking about what you said and I think I owe you an apology.”

 Damian’s eyes widened in surprise. His father wasn’t behaving as he’d expected him to, “For what?”

“For more things than I’d like to admit.”

 Damian frowned confused.

“I should’ve tried to avoid this war, I should’ve noticed that Talia was mentally unstable from the moment she disowned you.”

Damian’s eyes hardened at the mention of that event. It was painful to remember how his mother had decided that, since he wasn’t a suitable asset of hers anymore, she’d replace him with a better model; one that she could manipulate as she pleased.

“And I also need to apologize for the way I’ve acted since you arrived. I hadn’t wrapped my mind around the idea of having a son and you suffered because of it. I’m sorry for that.” Bruce pulled him into his large frame. Damian went limp, too shocked and overwhelmed to react “I love you, son.”

Damian would forever deny the way he cried himself to sleep in his father arms, muttering how truly scared he was, how he missed his mother, how sorry he was for putting people’s lives in danger. Bruce didn’t understand the last part, but he didn’t ask, letting the kid get it off chest, whispering how much Damian meant to them, how perfect he was, how he was not a burden.

“I don’t want to be broken” Damian whispered into Bruce’s chest, his voice hoarse after so much time crying. It was so small and weak that broke Bruce’s heart.

“You’re not.” Bruce said into Damian’s hair, hugging him tighter, “You’re my brave, perfect, little boy. I love you so much.” he couldn’t help the stray tears that fell from his eyes; it was so hard to see his son hurting so much.

Bruce held him until he fell asleep and then tucked him into bed, but this time he didn’t leave. He watched Damian sleep, making sure that nothing could hurt his boy. At some point of the morning Alfred (the cat) came into the room, curling up at Damian’s feet just beside Titus.

Bruce left him like that, surrounded by his pets, safe and warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must say that I did tell you it'd be a hopeful ending not a happy one... I'm not in a place where I can actually see a happy ending but I do have an idea of how it would be so if things get better I may do it.  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Love you

**Author's Note:**

> So I posted this on my ff acount and decided that this one looked a little bit weird without a work on it so I decided to post this one, because I love it. It's also on my tumblr, but just the first chapter.  
> The whole Talia dancing thing was inspired by that panel in Batman Inc 2.  
> Thanks for reading. Love you.


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